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This is me..Self Love

This is me…This is me, today, aged 45…

This is me, in the body that my soul chose before I was even conceived, to inhabit, for this journey through life..

My soul chose this body, to heal..

My soul chose this beautiful body to learn from truly painful lessons…

This body has been through a lot!

This body was sexually abused for seven years before even hitting puberty.

This body endured glandular fever and severe anaemia at age 13.

This body was this told it resembled a cow with three stomachs age 13 by its father.

This body carried the weight of a 120kg fat suit by age 15.

This body was abused and teased and made fun of all throughout high school.

This body was then told my it’s brother to not look at attractive hot guys when it was so fat and ugly at age 16.

This body then endured its first sexual relationship at age 18, that lasted eight years of which it endured its first true understanding of emotional and mental abuse.

This body also experienced its first miscarriage during that relationship.

This body then became a toy for random men to play for the next 5-6 years as it tried to show how powerful and strong and sexy it was.

This body endured severe bulimia and body dysmorphia which culminated in 4-6-8 hours a day of exercise to fend off any potential weight gain after having dropped 50kg in its early 30’s.

This body then endured an eight day stay in hospital with complications from the severity of the bulimia at age 36.

At age 37, this body was cut in half cosmetically to remove 6kg’s of excess skin after getting down to 65kgs, thanks bulimia.

This body, age 38, then endured its second miscarriage.

This body also started its journey of recovery from bulimia and body dysmorphia at age 36.

At age 42, this body endured two separate operations to remove lumps in its left breast, and within months, endured a sexually abusive relationship with an older man that landed it in hospital for another five days with pelvic inflammatory disease.

This body, tried to protect itself from any further harm and regained 25+ kgs as a fat suit to keep further pain at bay.

So, when I’m asked about my body image and my journey to body love, it’s simple, I bow to my body. I love my body because my soul chose it to experience every single thing listed above, and more, and guess what, she is still healthy, she is still strong.

I also bow to my body because she has allowed my soul to heal some deep rooted pain from lifetimes gone. Oh, and one final thing. This body is worthy. It is worthy of being loved, respected and honoured by me, but anywhere, just because she is. I am worthy because I am. Not because my body looks like this, or if it is 30kgs lighter in weight, or 30kg heavier. I am worthy of taking up space, because I am. No questions.

 

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