Last week I shared a post of gratitude to those that supported me, and Zaccy last year. I wanted to express gratitude to each of them and thank everyone for their support.
Up until last Wednesday, I had been having good and bad days with processing the grief of Zac’s passing, overall feeling I was actually doing quite well being able to function in the days after he passed, considering when his sister passed almost three years ago, I didn’t move from the couch for weeks.
Then I wrote the post last Wednesday and was feeling sad after posting it but continued on with my day. Later that night I was watching a movie, and was laughing at one point, that turned into tears. And not small tears, howling crying. The ugly crying where it is hard to breathe….
The crying went on for hours and was consuming every part of my soul. It was like every wound I had ever experienced in my life was being felt for the very first time and I couldn’t stop it.
There were few moments of relief in those hours, of which in one of those moments, I went and had a bath at 1am and found myself lying in the bath and could feel every single deep emotion draining out of my body.
This emotion wasn’t just about Zaccy’s passing; this was relationship heart break from years ago, friendship break downs, business failures, family heart breaks, disappointments and shames over where my life has ended up at age 45, my current health challenges, sexual trauma’s, wounds from long ago that I was sure had been felt and healed. All of it…
I finally fell asleep around 4am and woke again at 8am feeling like I had gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson. To say my eyes were puffy is an understatement.
The only thing my heart told me was to take it easy on myself for the day, and so I my self-care. I took myself out for brunch, got a mani and pedi, got a block of chocolate, came home and lay on the couch watching movies, and then had an afternoon snooze.
It took me a few days to recover from the release of emotion, but what struck me, and is core in all of my programs, is the importance of feeling our emotions.
In the past few years, I felt I had improved at this. I have become a big crier, but apparently, not. Well, not enough.
When something painful happens, we all have a tendency to bury our emotions.
Why wouldn’t you, feeling them hurts.
We bury those emotions under behaviours and or addictions that just create more pain. These can range from medium level self-harm behaviours such as social media addiction, online shopping addictions, binge watching TV programs, to more serious addictions such as eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, gambling and so many more.
But our bodies are so much smarter than we given them credit for.
They may allow you to hide behind these behaviours for a short while; maybe weeks, months, or even years, but eventually, they are going to catch up to you, as it may not be as pretty as my emotional release.
I had close to five hours of my body releasing those pent-up emotions, and whilst I feel better, it was a deep lesson for me in practising what I preach.
If you are engaging in behaviours that you suspect are supporting you to bury those emotions from that break up, divorce, business failure, sick parent, financial stress, whatever is, seek help.
Whether that is from a friend, family member, counsellor, coach or therapist, you need to learn a healthy way to release emotions as they come up, not leave them buried so that they impact your daily life throughout unhealthy behavioural patterns or addictions that don’t allow you to live your best life.
An ex-boyfriend would say to me, every time I spoke to him about counselling, or treatments I was going through, “I have several counsellors, Jack (Daniels), Jim (Beam) and Johnnie (Walker).” Whilst funny, not the type of counsellors that are going to have you live your best life!
Releasing these built-up emotions will allow you space and freedom to live out your dreams and spend your time on much more enjoyable activities.
For those wondering, my emotions were stored under excessive social media and binge-watching mindless TV shows, and over-eating processed nutritionally devoid foods. Since the emotional release last week, the desire for those foods has dropped significantly, social media viewing dropped almost completely, and I barely have the TV on.
Body wisdom is letting me know there are more emotions under there waiting to be felt, and so I have sought out the help of a counsellor so that I can release them in a healthy way.
Promise yourself, if any of this resonates, that you will also seek out that help…